“ Heaven‘s Gate Comedy Club“
(Located at 101 Cloud Nine Boulevard)

Come one come all - This week to hear
They’ll make you grin - From ear to ear
At Heaven’s Gate - You will enjoy
A joke and smile - For girl or boy

Noah on stage - Tales of his Ark
Two of each - All did embark
For forty days - With all that rain
He cleaned their ‘mess’ - Oh, what a pain!

Next up to speak - A long lost soul
He’ll make you laugh - Your belly roll
Been gone awhile - Some place did run
Please welcome home - Prodigal Son

Mighty Samson - Long flowing hair
‘Sweet’ Delilah -- Look out, beware!
A sneaky gal - Went to great length
To cut his hair - And sap his strength

Here comes Jonah - You’ll surely see
He’ll make you think - And howl with glee
Side splitting jokes - You soon will know
He does put on - One ‘whale’ of show

Dear Lazarus - You next will meet
Will raise the crowds - To their feet
Will say he died - Came back to life
Still to be nagged - By his dear wife!

Thanks for your time - Come back real soon
Our matinees - In afternoon
We guarantee - A place that’s great
No cover charge - We’ll pass the plate!

TallPockets -- 2007

“Win (?) A Date With TallPockets”
(If you‘re female & breathing you qualify)

TallPockets is conducting his own ‘contest’ to see if there are any single, heterosexual ladies out there who might, for some unknown reason, want a chance at winning a date with him. Anyone between the ages of eighteen and eighty are eligible to participate. All colors, sizes, and shapes are welcome to apply. There is NO FEE required. Realistically, TallPockets knows HE should be paying the ladies who decide to enter. They are the ones taking all the risk. He wants someone who is intelligent enough to share his feeble thoughts. He is tired of dating women who complain that they do not like baking chocolate chip cookies because they hate ‘peeling’ all those M&M’s.

TallPockets keeps a clean and tidy house. He cooks, does dishes, sweeps and mops floors, does laundry (doesn’t mix colors and whites), mows lawn in the summer, takes out the garbage, closes the shower curtain (prevents that dreaded mildew), puts the toilet seat down in the presence of women (five sisters) and doesn’t mind nylons and undies hanging from the shower curtain rod in his bathroom. In fact, he rather enjoys the latter. It bolsters his frail ego and prevents him from spending more of his money on another ‘self-help’ book.

Futhermore, he does not snore while sleeping. Although, he has been known to put other people quickly to sleep. If you are an insomniac, you will not be one for long. He is a passionate lover. He will give that ’special’ lady the best three minutes of lovemaking she has ever experienced in her lifetime. He won’t hog the covers on the bed. He is ok with silk sheets but not on a regular basis. He once had a bad experience where he slid right out of bed, onto the wood floor below and is still removing splinters to this day. He is looking for a ‘spiritual’ person. One who says, “Oh, God!” in places other than just the bedroom.

So, dear ladies, if you’ve played the lottery for years and never won a darned thing and wasted all your hard earned money, why not take a chance on grumpy, old TallPockets? Him show you good time.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Not responsible for anything regarding this contest or any future dates that may occur should you be the ’lucky’ (?) winner. The odds of winning this contest are much better than you might think.

*Above disclaimer issued by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe*

Dear Ladies: You pick out strays from the humane shelter so why not give TallPockets a chance? He will give you tons of wet, sloppy kisses AND he is already housebroken!

TallPockets - 2007

“I Wanna’ Be Your Prez”

“I’m top prime cut of meat ….
I’m your choice ….
I wanna’ be ….
ELECTED”

(Alice Cooper)

Candidates - By the TON
Sound the same - One by one
‘Handlers’ do - Their routines
Like pageant’s - Beauty queens

Look just so - Camera light!
Rehearsed lines - “Left” or “Right”
Pavlov’s dog - Drooled at bell
As they do - Aren’t they swell?

Wonder what - Really think
At private - Kitchen sink?
Can someone - Be our CHIEF
If they spoke - TRUE belief?

Methinks NOT - Sadly so
If they did - ‘Polls’ would show
Way down list - Where they’d be
One or two? - Number THREE!

Money talks - So they say
(Don’t think true - By the way)
I don’t vote - Bank accounts
I select - WHO amounts

To the BEST - Of the lot
Sometimes good - Sometimes not
“Larry” or - “Curly” best?
Might be “MOE” - Wins the test!

‘Honest’ Abes - Not around
Hard as look - Can’t be found
All care more - “Party” pride
Then about - Great DIVIDE!

Think this time - Should elect
Person that - WE respect
For their skills - To get US
Out of cars - On the BUS

To drive down - Long highway
ALONE, fine - But I say
Takes a BUNCH - People to
Make US BEST - Red, white, blue

Tall Pockets - 2007

“ Lost In America “
(Children, Our Most Important Resource?)

“I can’t go to school cuz’ I ain’t got a gun
I ain’t got a gun cuz’ I ain’t got a job
I ain’t got a job cuz’ I can’t go to school
So, I’m lookin’ for a girl with a gun and a job

And a house ....

With cable ....

Don’t you know where you are?

Lost In America
Lost In America
Lost In America
Lost ………………”

Song: Lost In America
By: Alice Cooper

Dear mom and dad - Prison is cold
They say I’ll be - Here until old
Age seventeen - Stole my first car
Gave me a thrill - Did not get far

Cops asked me why - Did I do it?
Told them, “Parents - Not worth a shit”
Asked me, “Explain - What I did mean
What went so wrong - Causing this scene?”

Told them my dad - Loved only beer
Had not a clue - “I” was once here
Hit my sweet mom - Awful to see
Watched it for years - Since I was three

Saw that my mom - Seemed it, ’OK’
Even with tears - Would often, ‘pray’
Proven to me - I now believe
Is that she stayed - Never did leave

Sent to a shrink - Found ‘’inner child‘’
Tried to find out - Why I was wild
Talk, talk, more talk - My past duress
Next, sent me back - To the SAME mess

Most my neighbors - And many friends
Knew my home life - But would pretend
Somehow, all this - I would be fine
“Can’t get involved” - Can’t cross THAT line

One warm, May night - My biggest thrill
Shot dear, old dad - Felt good to kill
Emptied my gun - Would have shot mom
Too few bullets - So, went to prom

Here I do sit - Rest of my life
In this small cell - Never a wife
Won’t have no kids - That’s a good thing
Cuz‘ I could not - ‘Love’, EVER bring

TallPockets - 2007