ATTENTION ALL LADIES!

Time is running out! LAST CHANCE to win(?) a date with YOUR NEXT PREZ' to be in 2008!

NO ONE of LEGAL age will be DISQUALIFIED from such contest! Can't beat THOSE odds anywhere else can ya'?

So, PLEASE, give old, wrinkly, GRUMPY TallPockets at least ONE chance, dear WONDERFUL single ladies out there.

If ya' just can NOT bring yourself to do such (even for the GOOD of AMERICA!) TallPockets WILL understand. Just be KIND and let him down EASY, ok?

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“Win (?) A Date With TallPockets”
(If you‘re female & breathing you qualify)

TallPockets is conducting his own ‘contest’ to see if there are any single, heterosexual ladies out there who might, for some unknown reason, want a chance at winning a date with him. Anyone between the ages of eighteen and eighty are eligible to participate. All colors, sizes, and shapes are welcome to apply. There is NO FEE required (only a few, minor telephone charges). Realistically, TallPockets knows he should be paying the ladies who decide to enter. They are the ones taking all the risk. He wants someone who is intelligent enough to share his feeble thoughts. He is tired of dating women who complain that they do not like baking chocolate chip cookies because they hate ‘peeling’ all those M&M’s.

TallPockets keeps a clean and tidy house. He cooks, does dishes, sweeps and mops floors, does laundry (doesn’t mix colors and whites), mows lawn in the summer, takes out the garbage, closes the shower curtain (prevents that dreaded mildew), puts the toilet seat down in the presence of women (five sisters) and doesn’t mind nylons and undies hanging from the shower curtain rod in his bathroom. In fact, he rather enjoys the latter. It bolsters his frail ego and prevents him from spending more of his money on another ‘self-help’ book.

Futhermore, he does not snore while sleeping. Although, he has been known to put other people quickly to sleep. If you are an insomniac, you will not be one for long. He is a passionate lover. He will give that ’special’ lady the best three minutes of lovemaking she has ever experienced in her lifetime. He won’t hog the covers on the bed. He is ok with silk sheets but not on a regular basis. He once had a bad experience where he slid right out of bed, onto the wood floor below and is still removing splinters to this day. He is looking for a ‘spiritual’ person. One who says, “Oh, God!” in places other than just the bedroom.

So, dear ladies, if you’ve played the lottery for years and never won a darned thing and wasted all your hard earned money, why not take a chance on grumpy, old TallPockets? Him show you good time.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Not responsible for anything regarding this contest or any future dates that may occur should you be the ’lucky’ (?) winner. The odds of winning this contest are much better than you might think. To enter, call : 1-900-HOT-DATE and leave your information and heavy breathing on the phone message recorder. Charges of $3.99 per minute will appear on your next monthly telephone bill (Contest HINT: The longer the heavy breathing the better the odds of winning).

*Above disclaimer issued by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe*

Dear Ladies: You pick out strays from the humane shelter so why not give TallPockets a chance? He will give you tons of wet, sloppy kisses AND he is already housebroken!

TallPockets - 2008